Bitter-sweet Memories
by Sheela
Summary: When a stranger appears in the Sanctuary Catlin's biggest secret is uncovered and she must fight for the most precious thing in her life.
1.

Bitter-sweet memories by Sheela

Bitter-sweet memories

by Sheela

Disclaimer: You all know what I'm trying to say here: I'm making no money with this (though it would be nice) and the main characters belong to Universal. The characters of Lea, Aruna & Rowan are mine, but you can feel free to use them if you want to, just let me know where they are going to.

English isn't my native language and this wasn't beta read so there might be a lot mistakes in this story, both spelling and grammatical wise.

Prologue 

It was a warm day in spring, the sun was shining brightly on the Sanctuary and all its inhabitants who were all enjoying doing their duties in the sun. The children were playing happily, running around between the adults. 

Conor and Catlin were walking side by side through the camp, talking about the present situation. 

"No Romans seen during the last days?" Conor asked. "I wonder why they're so peaceful at the moment. Longinus must be planning something, something cruel..."

"Yeah surely! But as we don't know what, let's enjoy these days as long as we can. Heaven only knows what's going to come next..." Catlin answered.

Right that second a loud scream reverberated through the camp and little Talia came running along, crying. "Ouch! Ow...ow!" The girl stopped in front of Conor and Catlin holding her left hand. Tears were flowing across her face. Catlin knelt down and embraced her softly.

"Hush...Calm down, dear... And then tell me what happened." she said with a voice full of love that made Conor's heart beat faster. Catlin didn't speak very often in such a soft way. Talia kept crying, however, now she didn't scream anymore. 

"It... I... wanted to take a flower... but... the bee... my hand... ouch!" she stuttered with tears running across her cheeks.

"I see. Hush..., it's not that bad. Just let me see if the sting is still stuck." Catlin sat down on a stone with Talia, taking her hand, searching for the sting. "Oh, yes there it is. I'll take it out!" Then she began to suck out the poison of the girl's hand and spat it on the ground. "Put it in cold water for a moment and it won't hurt anymore!" Catlin promised and stood up. Talia had been so busy watching Catlin cure her hand that she had forgotten her pain at all and had stopped crying. Now she nodded and began to walk away. Catlin and Conor watched her leaving slowly when Talia suddenly turned around and came rushing back to give Catlin a big kiss on the cheek. With a "Thank you" she finally ran off laughing again. Catlin grinned and looked at Conor. He was smiling, too.

"Very well done!" he said. "I bet you'd be a great mother! Your kids will be lucky!"

Catlin's happy face fell. Conor suddenly saw an endless pain in her eyes. She tried hard to smile again, but it didn't work. Conor noticed tears welling up in her eyes.

"If you think so..." Catlin whispered, before her voice cracked totally. She turned her back on Conor. "Would you excuse me for a while? I... I...don't feel very well..." with these words she left, running through the camp towards the forest.

Conor stood immovable, staring after her shocked. Fergus stepped behind Conor and tapped on his shoulder. Conor whirled around, still shocked about Catlin's odd behaviour.

"Hey, lad! What did you do to Catlin?" Fergus asked. "I saw her rushing through the camp like a banshee. What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know, really! I only said she would be a great mother someday and then she suddenly ran away. Shall I follow her?"

"No, just give her some time for herself. Maybe it's an awful memory..." Fergus advised him.

Meanwhile Catlin was hurrying through the forest, not caring where she was running to. *Away! Away!* was her only thought. Away from everybody and everything. In the end she stopped breathless and rested her forehead on a tree-trunk. Her heart was pounding fiercely in her chest as if it was going to explode the very next moment. Tears began to flow across Catlin's face and she groaned. She clenched her fist and beat the tree. Bang! Bang! Her hand was bleeding but she didn't mind. In a way she welcomed the pain that showed her that she had still feelings inside of her. Yet, in her mind she had only one desire and she cried it out loud, her shout echoing through the forest: "I want my daughter!"

*~*~*


	2. 

The bright autumn-sun was shining down on the land with its rich fields and the trees with the beautifully coloured leaves, melting away the mists of morning

The bright autumn-sun was shining down on the land with its rich fields and the trees with the beautifully coloured leaves, melting away the mists of morning. The people in the Sanctuary were all busy, working on the fields and in the forest, preparing for the winter or training for the next battle. 

Conor was walking around, having some nice words for everybody. Then he finally reached the practice field where he found Fergus introducing a young man in the art of sword-fighting and Catlin standing in the archery stall. While he made his way towards Fergus he watched Catlin who fit another arrow into her bow, directed at the target and – closed her eyes. Conor gasped for breath; was she going to shoot with her eyes closed? Yes, Catlin fired the arrow – a bull's eye! She opened her eyes, looked at the target and smiled. Conor began to clap. "Wow, Cat! Well done! What is going to come next? Will you fire your arrows without a bow?" Conor joked. 

Catlin turned her face towards him and grinned. "Who knows..." she mumbled mysteriously.

Conor laughed and went over to Fergus who had finally finished his lesson. 

"Hey old man! What about going hunting today? I'm tired of being in the camp all day long with nothing happening."

"Sure, lad." Fergus answered. "There's nothing I would prefer doing today. By the way, have you heard anything new about this new sect? What do they call themselves again?"

"`Servants of Harmestor´. No, I haven't heard anything new, nothing that we didn't know already."

"Those bloody bastards think they are the greatest, yet, all they do is killing innocent children, sacrificing them to their god!" Fergus spat out the words. "Oh, how I'd like to..."

"Hey Conor!" Fergus' description of what he would like to do with the members of the sect was interrupted by Tully who was shouting across the field. The young man hopped off his horse and came running towards them, leaving behind a stranger sitting on his horse. Conor glanced at the man on the horse.

"Who is that man, Tully?" 

"I don't really know. I met him in the forest and he asked me if I could lead him to the Sanctuary. So I took him with me. Don't worry," he added when he saw the anxious looks of his friends. "I made him wear a blindfold while we were travelling. He does not know where the camp is."

"Do you know what he wants?" Fergus asked.

"No, he only said he had to talk to somebody in here." 

Conor and Fergus exchanged glances, then Conor sighed. "Well, as he's already here, we can simply ask him what he wants. Bring him over to us, Tully."

Tully waved to the stranger to make him join the little group. When he was walking towards them, Conor eyed him critically. The stranger was about 27 years old, had short black hair and was wearing fine clothes and a sword. He could have looked quite handsome, if he would have been smiling. But he wasn't at all; indeed he looked rather grave – his dark eyes were as cold as ice. As he reached the three men he sent them a contemptuous look. Conor didn't like him and his behaviour at all, just as Fergus and Tully did, but he remained politely.

"Welcome to the Sanctuary." He said. "My name is Conor, I'm the leader and these," he pointed at his friends, "are Fergus and Tully. What's your name and what can we do for you?"

The stranger snorted. "You, a boy, a leader?" he asked contemptuously. "Well, that's not my cup of ale at all... So, I'm Rowan and I came here because I heard that a slave-girl named Catlin lives in this camp. Is that information correct?"

Conor nodded, his thoughts were racing. What did this disagreeable person want from his archer and friend? "Yes, Catlin lives in the Sanctuary, but she isn't a slave anymore. Do you want to talk to her? She's right over there." He pointed at the archery stall and then shouted towards the girl that hadn't noticed the stranger yet. "Hey, Cat! Come over, here's somebody who wants to see you!"

"I'm coming!" Catlin shouldered her bow and quiver and walked over to the men, smiling and quite surprised as she didn't get a visitor very often – it fact it was the first time ever for her. But when Catlin noticed who the man was, her happy face fell. For a moment she stopped, staring at Rowan, paralysed, then she got an aggressive look and clenched her fist. Rowan, in contrast, was grinning insinuatingly. The three men were shocked to see their friend react like this by the mere sight of the man.

"YOU!" Catlin hissed. "What the hell do you want?"

"Hi, dear. I'm also pleased to see you again." He eyed her up and down, lingering at her short skirt and her tight tunic. "As I can see you're still a beauty..."

"Stop this stupid game and simply tell me what you want!"

"All in due time, dear, all in due time." Rowan said with a glance at Conor and the others. "But shouldn't we continue this lovely conversation somewhere else - alone? I'm not sure if your friends are supposed to hear everything I have got to tell ya."

Catlin grabbed Rowan by the shirt. "Would you excuse us for a minute?" she asked Conor and pulled the man away, not waiting for an answer to her question. After a few dozen feet she stopped.

"That's far enough. And now tell me, what do you want?" Catlin could feel her heart beating hard in her chest, as she was afraid of the answer, but she'd rather have died than to show her fear.

"Ah, now I see that you've changed very much since the last time I saw you. You were nothing more than a timid slave then, weren't you? But now you're a real woman, just the kind I like ..." Rowan said with a cruel grin. 

Meanwhile, the men were standing together, talking about the 'guest'.

"I don't like him." Fergus said.

"I think 'not like' is the wrong expression." Tully contradicted. "I would say 'hate' fits much better. I already regret bringing him here. Conor, what do you think?"

The prince was deep in thoughts and jumped at hearing his name. "What? Oh yes, I agree. Did you see how Catlin reacted when she saw him? She also doesn't seem to be much in tune with him. But why does he visit her then?"

His friends had no answer to that question, too.

**_Back at Catlin's and Rowan's side_**

"As you may see, I'm no slave anymore. So you either tell me what you want or leave - but don't waste my time!" Catlin hoped that this would sound quite confident as she didn't want to let Rowan see how afraid she was. Deep down in her soul she had a pretty clear picture of what he wanted from her, but she couldn't admit that.

"I think you know what I've come for. Where is my child?"

Catlin gasped for breath – just what she had feared! But she didn't say a word, she only clenched her fists at her side.

"So, tell me: Where is my son? Is he here in the camp? I'm sure he would be a great warrior some day – after all he's MY son!"

"You damn bastard, you have no son!" Catlin couldn't help shouting the words out loud. Conor, Fergus and Tully whirled around at that yell and gazed at Catlin – what son was she talking about? What was it that made her so angry?

Rowan's eyes grew even colder. "No son?" He inched forward to Catlin's face. "A daughter then? Well, in the end it doesn't matter. All I need is a child of my blood to satisfy my god Harmestor." 

Catlin's face turned pale. She was so shocked, she could only whisper. "You mean, you want...want to kill, to sacrifice her?!"

"Did you think I came to give her a home and a father? Stupid slave!" he grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. "And now tell me where she is!" he hissed. "Is she here with you in the camp? No, I know you, you'd never let her grow up in such surroundings!" 

Catlin had totally stiffen up in his brutal grip. Why did she let this happen, she wondered. She would have already killed anybody else treating her like that. But here she stood, unable to move. Her body simply didn't obey her mind wishing to beat the man.

"Tell me where she is!" he yelled.

"Never, you bloody bastard!" Catlin finally found her power and her courage back. "I'll never betray her! Go to hell where you belong to and take your damn god with you!"

Rowan's face turned deep red of anger, his blood was racing trough his veins. He slapped her hard across the face and the blow had enough force behind it to throw her to the ground. "Cursed whore!" 

The three men, having seen everything, began to run towards him, roaring in anger and pulling their weapons. How dared he beating their Catlin? And above it all, why did she let him?

Rowan suddenly grinned dreadfully at Catlin. "Now I know it! Your friend, the daughter of that trader. You gave my child to her, didn't you?"

"NO!" Catlin screamed. Her heart stopped beating in panic.

"Yes, I can see the truth in your eyes! I'll find her and satisfy Harmestor!" With those words Rowan turned round and fled towards his horse, seeing the three angry warriors chasing him. He reached his horse and escaped even though Tully rushed after him with all his speed.

Conor bent down to Catlin. "Cat, are you okay?" 

She didn't react, she only stared of into the distance where Rowan had disappeared. 

"Cat, give me your hand!" Conor pulled her up. Fergus and Tully returned. 

"Are you okay, lass?" The elder man asked her concerned.

Catlin still didn't say a word. Conor shook her gently. "Cat! Do you hear us?!"

The archer turned towards them with a look on her face as if she had just woken from a terrible nightmare. Her deep blue eyes were empty. She began to stammer: "He...he wants... the sect... the girl, Lea... I can't... Rowan..."

"Hush, Cat, he's gone."

At those words the fire returned to Catlin's eyes. She broke free of Conor's hands. "No! I won't let him get her! I'd rather die!" she yelled and ran off, heading to her hut. There she put on her sword, her bow and arrows and wanted to mount her horse. But Conor grabbed her hard.

"Let go!" Catlin shouted.

"No, first you tell me where you are going to!"

"What do you think? Afterwards him, of course! I won't let him get the girl... Lea... And now, let go!"

"Not until you tell me why that girl is so important to you!" Conor still kept hold of her; he was bewildered but, moreover, he grew more and more angry about Catlin's behaviour which he didn't understand.

Finally Catlin yielded; tears of anger and sadness welled up in her eyes. "Why she is so important to me?" she yelled. "Hell, Conor, because she is MY DAUGHTER!" Tears were streaming down her cheeks.

Conor's jaw dropped; he was shocked, and so were Fergus and Tully who were standing right behind Conor.

"Sweet Bridget!" was the only thing Fergus was able to say. Tully remained silent, his mouth standing open of surprise.

The prince stared at Catlin, seeing endless pain in her eyes.

"I... I'll accompany you." He finally said toneless and released her.

"No lad," Fergus contradicted. "We all will!"

*~*

They had been riding all day long and stopped only once to give the horses a rest. Now the sun had set and it was getting dark. 

Catlin hadn't said a word since the band had left the Sanctuary. She rode ahead, not noticing the landscape. She seemed to have forgotten her friends were accompanying her. Her face was stony and she stared off in the distance. 

Conor rode faster to get to her side and said: "Cat, we'll rest here for the night. It's getting too dark to see where we are going to and furthermore we need a break!"

"What?" Catlin jumped. "Resting, while this devil is hunting Lea? Never!"

"Try to think clear, lass!" Fergus added. "We have new moon tonight so we can't even see where we are! I'm sure Rowan is also pausing somewhere. What kind of opponent will you be for him if you are completely exhausted?"

"I guess you are right." Catlin whispered discouraged. "So let's rest until sunrise..."

The warriors put up a little fire and sat down to it. They had a wretched supper consisting of bread, water and a bit of cheese. All the time nobody said a word, only the three men were exchanging meaningful glances. Catlin was staring into the fire.

"Cat?" Conor finally broke the silence carefully. "Don't you think you should explain us several things? At least, tell us where we are going to?"

"To Karneol, a small village about half a day-ride north-west of here." She answered after a while.

"Okay. And would you also explain us, what this Rowan wants from... Lea – and where you met him?" Conor spoke in a soft voice to calm her.

The young woman remained silent. Just as Fergus thought she wouldn't say anything and was close to ask her again, Catlin began to speak.

"He... Rowan wants to sacrifice her. He is one of the Servants of Harmestor." She whispered toneless.

"But why does he want YOUR daughter?" Conor was still confused, especially about the fact that Catlin had a daughter that he hadn't known anything about. However, he felt that Catlin was close to tell them the whole story.

Catlin let out a sigh. "Because he needs a child of his own blood..." For the first time she looked directly into Conor's eyes. "He is her father..."

The men gasped for breath. 

"Try to tell us everything from the beginning, lass." Fergus advised her. "You will feel much better then, I promise!"

Catlin took a deep breath, fighting back the tears that welled up in her eyes as she thought back to the time it all happened. All these sorrows and the pain...

"It all happened years ago..." Catlin said in a quiet voice, staring at her feet. "I was about fifteen then and already a slave in Gar's fortress. There was a trader who came to the fortress once every season for a few days with his daughter. For the time they were there I was working for them – I liked that kind of work as it wasn't too hard and quite interesting. One summer, the trader had a new assistant - Rowan. I admired him, he was so handsome and skilful with words. Heaven, I was so stupid, so naive then!" Catlin said contemptuous, angry about herself. "He gave me little presents, called me his Princess and so on. I was so foolish... I thought it was true love... Then one day he brought me to a silent corner..."

Catlin's voice trailed off. This memory was difficult to speak of. Conor, Fergus and Tully were listening eagerly and didn't dare to say a word. 

So Catlin continued. "I... I didn't like what he was doing with me. But... he had been so nice, so generous; I didn't want, didn't dare to disappoint him. Three days later they left, leaving me behind. After a while I realized, I was pregnant. I was shocked, yes, but moreover I was somehow proud and happy. I thought that when he'd come back the next time, he'd free me and marry me – I was so naive, so damn naive!" She repeated. "When they returned in autumn I told Rowan about the baby. But the only thing he did was to beat me. He called me a stupid slave-whore, unable to make anything right... He left without having spoken to me a second time." Catlin stopped. Her memories were close to defeat her. Conor carefully put his arm around her shoulder and rocked her gently. "Hush, dear..." Catlin was still staring at her feet. She swallowed hard.

"The following weeks I bit by bit came to understand what a fool I had been and what a devil Rowan really was – only wanting to have his pleasure... And the more I began to hate Rowan, the more I loved the child growing in me. I felt her inside of me, we were one. As time passed I felt her kicking me..." Catlin smiled slightly and stroked her stomach where once her baby had been. Then she continued. "But the more I loved my baby, the more I knew, I couldn't let her live with me, growing up in slavery, never knowing freedom... When winter came, the trader returned with his daughter Aruna. Rowan wasn't with them any longer. Aruna, she was about six years older than me, had always been very friendly with me, and when she met me, clearly visible pregnant, she wanted to know, who the father of my child was. So I told her the whole story and about my biggest worry, that I could not raise my child in slavery. Aruna understood my fears and then she offered me to take my child with her in spring when they would return and raise it as her own. I agreed even though the thought of losing my child made me sick. 

In the first days of spring, I gave birth to my daughter and named her Lea. She was so beautiful, so fragile, so sweet, perfect!" New tears welled up in her eyes, her voice turned rough. "I loved her so much, more than my life. And then the trader arrived with Aruna and I had to give away my daughter, my baby - that had grown inside of me – and that I loved so much!" Catlin's voice cracked, tears were rolling across her face. Conor held her even tighter and she sobbed looking into the flames. The men were unable to speak, touched by Catlin's story, her past. Only the crackle of the fire and Catlin sobbing could be heard. 

Finally Fergus broke the silence. "But when you loved Lea so much, why did you give her away? Sweet Bridget, I simply don't understand!" After all Fergus was a father himself. Conor gazed at him, shaking his head. This was the worst thing he could have said now. But it was too late.

"Why I gave her away?!" Catlin cried out and stared at Fergus. "Hell, are you so blind? What else could I've done? If I had tried to flee the guards would have easily caught me and killed me and Lea! I also couldn't raise her in slavery, never knowing freedom. I knew, some day she would have to go through the same sorrows, the same agonies and tortures, as I did. I couldn't stand this thought so I gave her away. My only child, my Lea... And you dare asking me, why I let this happen?" she shouted at Fergus. Then she broke down, crying. Her memories had defeated her. 

"Oh, lass! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to! Forgive an old man!" he embraced her gently and felt her shiver in his arms. "I feel for you, lass!" he whispered in her ear.

Conor also folded her in his arms, held her tight until her tears slowly dried. She raised her head. "I'm sorry." She said quietly. "I didn't mean to shout at you..." She swallowed hard and took a deep breath to finish her story. "I... I only saw Lea once again, when Aruna brought her with her to Gar's fortress. But then the trader never returned and I don't know why or what happened to my child. It was only last winter that I heard that Aruna had married and moved to Karneol.

I guess now you understand, why that girl means so much to me," she glanced at Conor, "and why I can't let Rowan get her."

"Aye, I see. And I promise you, Cat, I'll do everything to help you, to save your daughter." Conor said hearty. "So will we!" Fergus and Tully promised in unison. Catlin smiled slightly. What a gift it was to have such friends.

"It's late. Let's try to get some sleep. Tomorrow we'll think about what we are going to do." Conor ordered.

They laid down to sleep and soon the bloodcurdling snoring of Fergus could be heard, together with the regular breathings of Tully and Conor. Catlin, however, wasn't able to sleep. Fergus had been right: She felt better, now that she had lifted her secret; it had been hard throughout the years never to talk about it. Nevertheless her mind was busy: She was thinking about Rowan's words and about her daughter and when she closed her eyes she could see their faces. All night long she tossed and turned, only sleeping for short times. Conor woke several times to find Catlin still awake or in restless dreams. But he didn't say anything – what could he have said or done?

They woke at sunrise and prepared to leave their camp.

"Did you sleep well, Catlin?" Tully asked.

"Yes, thank you." She lied. 

Conor raised an eyebrow, but he didn't say anything. So they rode off.

*~*

In the early afternoon the group arrived at Karneol. It was a beautiful small village including about two dozen huts and surrounded by some fields and a forest. Nearby a little river streamed by. The inhabitants were all busy at their daily work. But when the four strangers arrived they interrupted their works, sending them mistrustful glances. A huge man slowly walked towards them with a sword on his side.

"Are ya friends?" he asked when he was only about ten paces away. "Y'er not looking like Romans."

"Aye, we are friends." Conor answered. "Could you..."

He was interrupted by Catlin. "We are looking for a woman called Aruna. She lives here, doesn't she?" 

Catlin sounded nervous Conor realized. Indeed, she could hardly speak or breath. She was so close to see her daughter again!

"Aye, Aruna lives here. Ye wanna visit her, I guess? So go ahead. The last hut is hers."

Catlin took a deep breath and began to walk towards the last hut, Conor, Fergus and Tully followed. The inhabitants sent them some last glances before they returned to their work. 

When they reached the hut Catlin's legs felt like they wouldn't support her weight any longer. Catlin fought hard with herself to regain composure – she was so close to the moment she had waited for for more than five years – since she had given away her daughter.

The three men didn't dare to say a word. They could feel their friend's excitement; it was so intensive they were almost able to touch it.

They stopped in front of the hut. The door was opened and the noise of somebody working in there could be heard.

"Hello...? Aruna, are you in there?" Catlin shouted, her voice sounded rough. Conor saw her tremble and felt the sudden urge to hold her tight. But he didn't as he knew it was not the right moment; any gently touch would most likely make Catlin lose all the strength she had left.

"Yeah... one moment please, I'm coming..." was the immediate answer. After a few seconds a form appeared in the door, a woman with brown hairs and dark eyes and she was obviously pregnant. She blinked several times to readjust her eyes to the sun.

"Oh, hello. Can I help you?" she asked eyeing the four strangers. Suddenly recognizing flashed in her eyes.

"Catlin is that you? Can it be really?" Catlin simply nodded, she felt unable to speak. "But... how did you escape?"

Catlin swallowed. "Conor" she pointed at him "rescued me some time ago. By the way, these are Fergus and Tully. Yes, I'm free now and fighting against the Romans. But as I can see, things have been changing for you, too!" she added looking at Aruna's rounding stomach.

"Aye, you're right, I'm married now. My husband inherited my father's business. Right now, he is on tour, trading with a king in the north. But I'm forgetting my manners... Come in, take a seat!" Aruna said friendly. Conor found her very pleasant although he noticed the indefinable looks she sent to Catlin. The men took a seat only Catlin remained standing, looking at Aruna.

"Alright, Catlin" the woman said "I guess, I know why you are here. Just give me a second and I'll show you what you've come for." With this she stepped to the backdoor of the hut and shouted: "Lea-darling, please come over here, there's someone waiting for you. Look, who finally found us!" Catlin didn't seem to have enough air, she felt a big lump in her throat.

They heard a sweet voice answering. "I'm coming, Aunt Una! Tell me, who is it?" 

"Just come in and see..."

A little girl came rushing in laughing. The three warriors gasped for breath. The resemblance! The girl's smile, her hair and the glowing blue eyes – all just like Catlin's!

Tears were welling up in Catlin's eyes. Her daughter! It had been so a long time and now here she was standing in front of her and she was so beautiful!

"Aunt Una, who are those people?" Lea asked. Then she looked at Catlin, unbelieving. Finally she stuttered "Mmmm...Ma?"

Catlin nodded, the tears had stolen her voice completely. She knelt down and unfolded her arms. Lea came running towards her, sobbing and embraced her. "Ma...Ma, finally...!"

The archer stood up with the child in her arms, holding her tight, caressing her back. Tears were flowing down Catlin's cheeks.

"Lea... my daughter... My one and only... Lea!" she whispered. She felt unable to let her daughter go ever again.

Aruna cleared her throat. "I always told Lea that I wasn't her real mother, so she called me Aunt. I told her that her mother was busy somewhere else and that she would return to Lea some day. I also told her that you love her..."

Catlin raised her head and looked into Aruna's eyes.

"Thank you, Aruna! Thank you so much, for everything!" was all she could say. Finally she put Lea back on the ground, caressing her hair.

"Lea, there are some men I'd like to introduce to you. My best friends: This is Tully, he's nearly a magician and you wouldn't believe what a funny kind of sorcery results out of his tries and how childish he can be!" Tully was grinning broadly at this words. "Then we have Fergus, the strongest man on Eire and a quite good story-teller. Maybe he'll give you the pleasure of hearing one of his stories soon!" Lea first had feared the big, hairless man a little but now he smiled at her with endless warmth and all fear was forgotten. "And finally there's Conor. He's a prince you need to know and our leader. Moreover he is master of getting on your nerves until you tell him everything he wants to know." Conor smiled at Lea and said: "You're as beautiful as your mother." (Catlin blushed, for never a man she really liked had said she was beautiful before!) "Maybe one day you'll be even more beautiful!"

Lea eyed the three men exactly. "You all look so different! But also friendly – I like you!" she said with the innocence of a child and giggled. The adults also laughed heartily. *She is so much like Cat!So innocent, so sweet!*Conor thought. 

"Lea, don't you want to show your new friends your water-mill at the stream? I have to talk to your mother for a while..." Aruna proposed. Lea nodded and took Fergus and Tully by the hand to show them the way.

"I'll stay, if you don't mind, Lea!" Conor excused himself. He felt that this dialogue would be important. And he was right:

As soon as Lea had left with the two warriors Aruna grabbed Catlin's shoulders, narrowing her eyes.

"Now tell me, why did you come? You said you were freed some time ago, so why didn't you come earlier? Why now?"

Catlin sighed and looked at her feet. "Why didn't I come earlier? A good question. The life I'm living now is no good for a little girl, and I know that. Aruna, I'm a warrior, no mother! I knew Lea was save with you and I didn't want to change that. But then Rowan appeared... You remember him, don't you? He..." Catlin started to tell Aruna the story and the reason for her coming.

"You see now, I had to come!" She finished. "Lea isn't save here anymore, you aren't save! You need to get away, both of you! At least until I've found Rowan and... and defeated him. Aruna, I'm begging you, come with us to the Sanctuary! What do think of it?"

Aruna had turned away and was staring in the fire at the middle of the room. She didn't say a word for a long time. Then she began to speak, very quiet. "I must admit Catlin, when I saw you standing in front of me I hated you! I was so angry! I thought you had come to steal my Lea who I raised as my own child. I thought you had come out of a foolish whim, not really ready to take responsibility of a child. But now I see you had good reasons to come and that you really care for your daughter. Okay, Cat! We'll accompany you to the Sanctuary. I guess we are going to leave tomorrow?" She looked at Conor and he nodded. "Then I have to pack some things for Lea and tell the leader of the village where I'm going so that he can inform my husband when he returns."

Since the decision was made, things were easy to handle. Lea was looking forward to travelling with her new friends. They spent the night in Aruna's hut the men sleeping on the floor near the fire. Catlin slept aside of Lea and when Conor woke that night he saw Catlin smiling slightly in her sleep. Conor had never seen her sleep so deep and peaceful before. The magic of Mother & Daughter was working true miracles on Catlin. 

*~*

Early the next morning they left. They were travelling much slower than the last days as they didn't have to fear Rowan being faster. And of course also because of Lea. The group made a lot of breaks in order not to overtax Lea. But the girl didn't mind riding all day at all. She was busy talking to Catlin and the others, watching the landscape and asking question about everything. About what the Sanctuary was like, whether there lived children in the camp, about the different trees and plants they were bypassing and many more questions. Lea was riding with Catlin and the woman was smiling all the time. Yet, Conor noticed that she was attentively observing the surroundings. Soon it dawned on Conor that she was still afraid of Rowan finding them and stealing Lea.

By nightfall the built up a little fire and had their supper. Even though she wouldn't admit it, Lea was unbelievable tired; she fell asleep in Catlin's arms, still holding her bread. With a little grin Catlin wrapped a blanket around her daughter and situated her so that she would be comfortable. The adults were talking some more time about nothing important and soon laid down to sleep, too.

Later that night Conor woke as his body demanded his natural rights. So he walked to some bushes nearby.

Catlin woke when she heard a silent noise. 

*What was that? Rowan must have found us!*

She assured herself that Lea was still asleep and then quickly got up. She took up her bow and an arrow and walked towards where the noise had come from. There it was again! She fit the arrow into her bow and directed towards the unseen enemy.

"Come out and show yourself!" she hissed. The bushes rustled and dark form slowly stepped out. Catlin's heart was thudding in her chest, but she was ready to protect her daughter with all her might. She bent her bow even more aiming at her opponent and – stared into Conor's frighten eyes. Catlin was startled and almost fired the arrow.

"God! It's you Conor! I almost killed you!" she said, her voice was trembling "What have you been doing out here?"

"What do you think? I was doing something natural!" Conor answered. "Wow, you startled me, Cat! I thought you were Rowan or at least a Roman!"

"I thought the same thing of you. So I came to defend my d... my friends..."

Conor knew what Catlin had wanted to say, he had seen her eyes when she directed at him. She had been ready to kill or die to protect Lea, he could tell. Once again he had come to know how much this child really meant to Catlin.

The two warriors returned to the camp and laid down again in order to get some more sleep.

*~*

The following day the group travelled on without anything special happening. Lea was now riding with Tully who was joking all the time. The horses were trotting slowly, enjoying the bright day just as much as their riders did.

Catlin rode aside of Aruna. She looked back to Tully and Lea and let out a little sigh. 

"She is so innocent, so beautiful..." Catlin mumbled.

"Aye, she is." Aruna agreed. "Just like her mother."

Catlin sighed again. "What kind of mother am I?" she asked and Aruna heard the pain in her voice. "I wasn't there when she was making her first steps; I don't know what her first word was; what her favourite lullaby is and so many things more!"

"Alright Catlin. But NOW you are here and that is the only thing that matters."

The women turned their heads to look at Lea and Tully again. Right that moment the girl was bursting into laughter. *Must have been one of Tully's jokes* 

Nobody noticed the shadow that followed them in a distance well hidden between the trees.

In the late afternoon the friends reached the Sanctuary. 

*~*

Days passed and the peaceful atmosphere returned to the Sanctuary. The people in the camp had immediately accepted the strangers sharing the hut with Catlin.

As the archer still didn't want anybody to know about her maternity, she had forbidden her friends to let out who the strangers really were. So everybody believed the two were simply Catlin's friends; refugees probably, nothing special that would change anything.

However, for Catlin things had totally changed, Conor could tell.

He had spent the last days watching the new Catlin: From dawn till dusk she was smiling – even if she was talking to someone seriously or sitting alone by the fire her face had a happy expression. Her eyes were laughing as well. Especially when Lea was around her – then those unbelievable deep blue eyes practically glowed.

In those moments she looked so breathtakingly beautiful... Conor knew he had sworn never to love anybody but his lost Claire; yet, it seemed impossible to deny his feelings when he watched Catlin. 

She was in great spirits, working hard all day long. Her archery seemed to get even better everyday. She was playing with Lea, talking with her and Aruna, showing them the Sanctuary and the forest or helping the people at their work. When the sun had set and her two visitors had gone to sleep Catlin could be found sitting by the fire, smiling to herself. Conor knew, at those moments she was thinking about her beloved daughter. 

Indeed, she was thinking about Lea then. She made Catlin feel complete in a way. The woman couldn't explain it but the feeling was there. Whenever Lea was around everything felt perfect for Catlin, as if she had found a missing piece of herself, an unknown warmth filling her body. But Catlin was also pondering. About what would future bring, about where Lea would live and what Catlin herself would do as soon as she had got rid of the 'problem'. Catlin knew deep down in her soul that things couldn't stay this way. Lea needed one fixed, save home and ONE mother. If only Catlin knew what was going to be best for Lea.

Lea... she was a chapter of her own. That little girl seemed to have a special kind of magic about her. As soon as they had arrived at the camp she had won everybody's heart in no time. It was just impossible to resist her; her innocence, her cheerful, clever nature, her laughter, her sweet way to ask questions or to explain something. She called the prince 'Uncle Conor'. She was often seen with 'Uncle Tully' who tried to show her some magic tricks (and most of the time failed, causing incredible laughter). Every evening Lea was sitting on Fergus' knees while he was telling the children of the Sanctuary stories.

Conor didn't know about Catlin's internal struggle and he wished he could spend the rest of his life like this in simple happiness. 

But life was holding another destiny for them.

*~*


	3. 

The arrival was now lying about half a month behind and for Catlin it was already hard to think of what life had been like without Lea

The arrival was now lying about half a month behind and for Catlin it was already hard to think of what life had been like without Lea. Today the whole group was assembled at the steam. Fergus and Tully were fishing, arguing about whose strategy caught the most fish. The rest was laughing, egging the two competitors on or talking. 

Suddenly Lea jumped into the water not paying attention to the two fishers' protests ("You'll frighten all the fish!") and began to splash Conor and Catlin.

"Hey, you little imp! Stop that!" Conor protested.

But Lea only grinned. "Make me if you can! But first you have to catch me!"

"Cat, she's your daughter! Stop her!"

"Whatever you want me to do, my prince." Catlin was grinning as well. And without any warning she jumped forward, grabbed Lea and started tickling her. Lea was giggling trying to push her mother's hands away. "I yield!" But Catlin wouldn't let her escape that easy and kept on tickling. The four adults stood watching them rolling on the ground.

Nobody noticed the dark figure hiding a few hundred meters away observing them from the distance.

*I've never seen Cat so carefree before* Conor thought. *I hope she'll be able to keep that!* 

Just that moment Sirius came running towards them. "Conor! Romans! Not far away from the entrance of the Sanctuary! A guard saw them! Hurry up, we have to entice them from the camp or they'll find us!" he shouted.

The warriors jumped up and exchanged short grim looks.

"Sirius is right. We can't let them get any closer!" Conor said. "Let's go!"

Sirius, Fergus and Tully stormed off to get their weapons. Only Catlin hesitated, looking at Lea. Conor waited for her to make her decision. Catlin was still hesitating, looking alternately at Lea and Aruna, thinking about what she was going to do. To Conor it was clear what was on her mind, as if it was written all over her face. Should she stay with her daughter, be a protective mother or should she go and fight against the Romans, be the warrior she had been since she was freed of slavery?

"Cat...?"

Catlin took a deep breath, she had made her decision. "Aruna, would you take care of Lea and go back to the camp? I... I simply HAVE to go!"

"Sure! Good luck and come back save, all of you!"

Catlin knelt down and embraced Lea.

"Be a good girl. I'll be back soon."

"Where do you go, Ma?"

Catlin gulped hard. "There... are things I have to do. It's for your safety. I promise I won't let anything happen to you!" With that she hugged Lea a last time before she stood up and looked at Conor. "Once more it's time to fight for what we believe in. Let's go!" She said in a strangely rough voice. Conor nodded and they headed off to get their weapons.

"Are you sure you don't prefer staying with Lea, Cat?" Conor asked when they mounted their horses.

"Conor, I'm a warrior. I don't think I'd be able to sit around while you are out there, fighting. I have to go!" She said. "And Lea is save here." She added more to convince herself not Conor.

In the distance the figure's dark eyes were glittering in self-satisfaction – his plan was working perfectly.

*~*

The little band of about a dozen warriors returned by nightfall. They had fought well, lost nobody while defeating all the Roman soldiers. Yet, nearly everybody of them had received some scratches. Tully had got a cut in his left arm and Catlin a rip in the stomach, not big or deep but ugly, though. They had transported the Romans' bodies several miles away so that they wouldn't be found nearby the entrance of the Sanctuary.

"I still don't understand how they found us! They were so close!" Tully muttered as he hopped of his horse.

"You're right Tully; we'll have to find out. But now first of all you need to have your wound seen by the healer. You too, Cat!" Conor advised.

"Soon Conor. Meryll, have you seen Lea?" Catlin asked the woman that was sitting by the fire.

"No, neither her nor Aruna since you went to the stream today. Aren't they in your hut?"

"No, they're not." Catlin said. "I wonder if..." Sudden realization began to dawn on her. "Oh, no!" With that she stormed off towards the stream with Conor in close pursuit. He too had the distinct feeling that something had happened, something really bad. Conor found it hard to follow Catlin as she was running as fast as a young deer, one hand pressed on her stomach. Obviously the cut was hurting more than Catlin had admitted. When he finally reached her he found her bent over a dark form that was lying on the floor. It was only when he stepped closer that he recognized the form in the semi-darkness – Aruna. She was unconscious and had a big bump on her forehead. 

The two carried her back into Catlin's hut and placed her on the bed of furs. Right then Aruna awoke, moaning.

"Ah, my head... Catlin is that you?"

"Yes, Aruna. Hush, you'll be alright and your baby as well." Catlin said with a look at Aruna's rounding stomach. "But now tell me, what has happened? Where's Lea?" Her voice was trembling. Catlin wasn't sure if she really wanted to hear the answer. Conor was standing right behind her and she was grateful for that fact as his presence seemed to give her the strength to stand the following words.

"Lea..." Aruna whispered weakly. "She... we were just walking back to the camp soon after you left, when a dark man came riding towards us out of the forest." Aruna sniffed, a tear ran across her cheek, "Catlin, it was Rowan! He knocked me out with the hilt of his sword. He must have taken Lea with him...

Catlin you must find him and get Lea back! I can't stand the thought of losing her!"

Catlin nodded and stood up. She gulped back tears – there was no time to cry now, she had to act! She turned to Conor. "I... I need to find her. Will you help me once more?"

"Of course I will!"

"So will we!" Fergus and Tully were standing at the doorway, wearing grim looks, having heard the last words. Catlin's eyes were glittering – so wonderful friends!

They took up their weapons and made their way back to the stream to search for traces.

*~*

They had travelled for about two hours following Rowan's traces in the full moon. Fergus, the best tracks-reader of the group, was leading them. But now he dismounted his horse looking at the ground with a helpless expression on his face.

"Damn!" he muttered. "From here it's not clear if he rode further eastwards or to the South."

"And if we choose the wrong direction we might loose them!" Conor said. "So what shall we do? We could divide into two groups and follow both ways. What do you think of it, Cat? Cat...?"

Catlin had dismounted her horse and knelt down at the crossroads, her eyes closed.

*I want to find my daughter. Lord, please help me! Save her!* She concentrated on this single thought, sent out her spirit to find Lea. She left behind everything, all her sorrows, her whole being until there was only her wish to find Lea left. She stretched out her spiritual arms to search her daughter, stretched her arms until she could embrace the whole island. Catlin felt the endless power of the land streaming through her veins, giving her strength, felt the spirit of every living creature, perfect in its simplicity. The feeling was so wonderful, everything was easy. A small part of Catlin wished she could stay this way forever, feeling the power of the land that was unchanged since the beginning of time.

But Catlin kept groping for one person, the part of herself that made her life complete. 

*Lea, where are you? Lea! Lea, can you hear me? Lea*

And suddenly there was it; the warmth, the feeling of completion Catlin had had when she held her daughter. 

*Lea!* 

*Mmm... Ma? Ma!*

*Oh Lea, I found you! Lea, hush darling...* Catlin embraced the girl with her spiritual arms, caressing her back, giving her strength. *Hush, I'll find you, I promise! Nobody will hurt you!* 

*Ma, I-* There was a scream and the connection broke abruptly.

Catlin's eyes snapped open and she jumped up. "Lea!"

"Cat, are you okay?" Conor asked with a look of concern. "It was the fifth time that I called your name! I asked you what to do now."

"We'll go southwards and find Lea!" Catlin said convinced.

"How do you know it for sure, Cat?"

"I simply know it. Just trust in me."

"Lass, are you sure you're okay?" Fergus asked again.

"Of course I am, Fergus!" Catlin answered. "I... I could feel her and now I know where she is!" She looked into Conor's eyes as if begging him to belief her. Conor looked right back at her, seeing the convincing in her eyes. He nodded. "Alright then. I trust you Cat. Let's get going!" 

So they rode on through the cool night. Catlin tried several times to rebuild the connection and find Lea's spirit again. But she never got the feeling for the land back or could at least feel her daughter. Catlin began to worry if Rowan had already killed Lea but she chased away the thought immediately again. She was sure she would feel _that_, feel it like a dagger piercing her heart.

"How is your stomach Cat? Does the wound hurt you very much?" Conor asked her about half an hour later.

"No, I'm fine. It's not that bad, I hardly feel anything. Don't worry about me." She lied. Actually the pain was terrible. But Catlin wouldn't let anything but her child enter her mind now. So she suppressed the pain even though she knew that she got weaker with every minute of riding passing.

Time passed slowly, minutes became hours. They rode for what seemed a lifetime.

Fergus looked to the moon shining through the treetops and sighed. "It must be nearly midnight!"

Just that moment Conor raised his hand to stop them and pointed forward where the trees formed a small clearing. "Torches!" he whispered. "I bet it's Rowan."

They exchanged short glances and then dismounted their horses. Conor looked into Catlin's eyes and saw the fire in them – there it was again: The willingness to die for Lea's safety; like he had seen it the night they had returned to the Sanctuary with Lea.

The four warriors sneaked forward noiselessly and stopped hidden in the last bushes at the edge of the clearing, surveying the area.

In the middle of the clearing a big fire was burning, sending sparks into the dark night sky. The fire was surrounded by about a dozen men who all wore dark floor-length cloaks and were holding a torch. Their faces were hidden under large hoods. The men humming a song of incantation; their joint voices held a power that seemed to make the air vibrate. Next to the fire some rocks were forming a altar and tied on it there was – Lea! 

When Catlin saw her she nearly jumped forward, but Conor grabbed her shoulder rather hard to hold her back and shook his head.

"Think before you act Cat! We're outnumbered." he hissed.

Catlin nodded. Conor was right, she wouldn't help Lea with having herself killed. But it made Catlin sick to stand there and watch when the only thing she wanted to do was to run over to her daughter who was bound on the stone with a cloth in her mouth to muffle her cries. The little girl was unable to move, the fear had paralyzed her; the only thing she did was to cry silently.

Now a man stepped into the circle. He too was wearing a cloak but as he didn't wear a hood they could see who he was: Rowan. 

He began to speak with a voice full of pride. "Full moon! Midnight! It's tonight that my time has come, my brothers! The time to give our god a child of my own blood and to gain Harmestor's strength. The strength that will help us to ride the Romans out of our country forever! It's tonight, it's time!" With those words he stepped to the altar and raised a silver dagger that glittered in the moonlight above his head. Lea's eyes widened, she whimpered and struggled but couldn't break free.

"NOOOO!" This was too much. Catlin stormed out of their hiding-place, pulling an arrow. She aimed less than a heartbeat and then shot right through Rowan's hand. "Aahhh!!!" The dagger fell on the ground and Rowan grabbed his wounded hand, his face was racked with pain. But Catlin wasted no time in watching Rowan. Lightning-fast she fired three more times and killed three men before they even noticed what was happening. Then the surrounding men woke out of their stiffness. Some drew hidden swords out of their cloaks, the others used the torches they were holding and attacked. 

So did Conor, Fergus and Tully. Roaring they left their hiding-place and began to fight. Conor ducked when one of the men lashed out with his torch and hit his opponent in the uncovered stomach. Fergus swung his club knocking out two men at an instant. Tully rushed with his blade through a man who fell on the ground before he even knew what the dark-skinned boy had done. Obviously the members of the sect were no professional fighters – they fell like flies.

Catlin shot another arrow sending the most far opponent on the ground before she turned her attention back to Rowan. They were facing each other now. He was still standing next to Lea and had pulled the arrow out of his hand. "You! I should have known it!" he shouted, anger flashing in his eyes as he stared at Catlin. "How dare you interrupting me, you damn whore?" He pulled his sword pointing at her. Catlin too drew the sword that was hanging at her belt. Her heart was pounding fiercely in her chest and her breathing quickened. She didn't know anything about Rowan's fighting abilities. _She_, however, was no sword-fighter; she was mainly an archer. Fergus and Conor had taught her some important movements and tricks with the sword but still she had lost each of her training fights. This wouldn't be easy. But the mix of fear, anger and hate streaming through her veins gave her supernatural power. With a roar Catlin attacked.

Steel was clashing as the two opponent exchanged and parried forceful punches. Rowan was good! Catlin noticed. But not as good as her teachers. So maybe Catlin had a real chance to win!

"Bastard! What excuse do you have for trying to kill your own child? MY child!" Catlin hissed between two attacks. The fight was already taking too long. 

'If there's anything you can do about it lass, make your fights short. You haven't got the skill for a long professional fight!' Fergus had always told her.

But Rowan didn't have any openings in his cover so Catlin had no possibility to 'finish' him. Blood was covering his hand where the arrow had hit him but he ignored it.

"You wouldn't understand it!" he responded, spitting out the words. "For this sacrifice Harmestor will give me the strength to defeat the Romans! Then Eire will be free again!" He hit out forcefully again, leaving a big cut on Catlin's arm. She gasped but didn't stop fighting. 

"That may be a noble intention, but it's not worth a child's life!"

Lea who was still struggling with her bonds somehow managed to break free of the cloth that jammed her mouth and cried out. 

"Maaa!"

Catlin was diverted for a second and Rowan used that moment merciless for a new attack. Catlin, trying to avoid the blow, jumped back, tripped over a smaller stone and fell on the ground. Rowan kicked her in the stomach and Catlin felt new unbearable pain flashing through her wound. 

"Maaa!" Lea shrieked again but Rowan knocked her out with the hilt of his sword.

"No, you bastard!" Catlin tried to stand up but Rowan kicked her again, his foot meeting her face. Catlin almost fainted but the thought of Lea kept her conscious. However, Catlin was blinded by the dirt of Rowans shoes, so she didn't see him raising his sword over Lea. 

"And now Harmestor will get what is HIS!"

Catlin felt her bow and quiver underneath her. This was her last chance! She took up the weapon ignoring the pain rushing through her entire body. Rowan didn't notice it – he was too taken with the sacrifice. Catlin tried to aim but her eyes were full of dust and watered. All she saw were shadows.

"Harmestor this is for you!" Rowan shouted.

*Jesus give me strength! And lead my arrow!* Catlin closed her eyes and released the arrow. It whirred through the air and pierced Rowan's throat. He broke down coughing and gasping; his sword clattering on the ground.

Catlin gathered all the strength she had left and stood up slowly. Every movement was sending new pain through her body. Her stomach was bleeding again. She staggered forward to the altar. When she passed Rowan he began to speak, coughing blood. 

"You're a good warrior... I... didn't know... that she means that much to you..."

"She's my everything." Was all that Catlin answered toneless.

"The wish of freeing Eire from the Romans was my everything... I..." Rowan's voice trailed off. He was dead. 

Catlin stared down at him hesitatingly, then she bent down and closed his stiff eyes. She felt neither anger nor hate for this man anymore. Only pity. "Rest in peace." She walked on, approaching the altar. When she reached it she cut Lea's bonds, took up her hands and fell to her knees.

"I'm here, my sweet... It was all my fault. Forgive me."

*~*

Conor, Fergus and Tully had fought with a vengeance. The battle had been so quick Conor never had a chance to notice how Catlin was doing. He saw the last men falling to Tully's feet.

He turned to face Catlin and saw her lying on the ground aiming an arrow at Rowan who had raised his sword over Lea. Catlin closed her eyes and a heartbeat later Rowan broke down with arrow stabbing in his throat. Conor saw Catlin stand up laborious and drag herself towards her daughter.

"Are you okay lad?" Conor turned when he heard Fergus' voice behind him.

"I'm fine. What about you?"

"One of these bastards burned my moustache!" Fergus growled.

"Maybe he didn't like it? Tully what's about your leg?" Conor asked when the dark-skinned boy walked over to the two of them, trailing his left leg. "Are you hurt?"

"No, it's just because the last man fell directly on my foot!" Tully grumbled and Fergus burst into laughter at the sight of his pout.

Then Conor remembered Catlin and ran over to her. She was know kneeling at Lea's side. "...Forgive me." He heard the archer say when he stepped behind her.

Lea moved slightly but didn't open her eyes. "Mmm... Aunt Una?" she groaned weakly.

"Hush, darling... It's okay. We'll take you to Aruna." Catlin gulped back tears. She hadn't been able to protect her daughter. And now here she was, asking for her real mother – Aruna.

Conor helped Catlin to stand up and gave her a hug. "Let's go home" he said. Catlin nodded and tried to take up Lea but her legs didn't support her weight any longer. She would have broken down if Conor and Tully hadn't grabbed her and held her up. Fergus took up Lea and carried her to the horses while Conor supported Catlin. He could see that every movement hurt her as she groaned slightly at every step.

"It's okay Cat." He said soothingly. "It's all over now. Lea will be fine and so will you after we brought you to the healer."

"I didn't keep my promise..." was all that Catlin answered looking at the ground. Slowly they made their way home.

*~*


	4. 

Catlin woke up when the sun was shining in her eyes through the open door

Catlin woke up when the sun was shining in her eyes through the open door. 

*It must be almost evening... This is Conor's hut. What am I doing here?* She tried to sit up but pain flashed through her head and stomach at the attempt. 

"Ouch!"

"Oh, you're awake!" Conor stood up from his place by the fire. "The healer said you shouldn't try to move. How do you feel now?" He gave her a smile that warmed her heart. Had he been sitting there all the time, guarding her sleep?

Then the past few hours' events came back to her mind. They had reached the Sanctuary when the sun was about to rise. 

Catlin tried to speak but found her throat too rough to do so.

"Wait!" Conor ordered. "Drink this!" He handed her a goblet full of fresh cool water and held it to her mouth. Catlin drank gratefully, feeling the healing coolness running down her throat.

"Thanks." She muttered. "Where's Lea? And Aruna?"

"They are in your hut. They are fine." Conor said. "Lea's only got a bump and some bruises, nothing serious."

Catlin looked at hands. "It was all my fault." She said quietly. "I wasn't able to protect her. I gave her only one promise and I wasn't able to keep it. What kind of mother am I?" She sighed. "As soon as I can stand up I'll take the two back to Karneol; to their home where they belong to."

"What? Cat, are you sure? You'd regret this decision! You love this child more than your own life, I know it."

Catlin swallowed hard. "I am sure. This is not for me. It's for Lea and nobody else. It's for her best. This life I'm leading isn't good for her and I want her happiness above all. I'm not the right mother for her – that's Aruna and her home is Karneol. So they'll go back."

Right then Lea stormed in Conor's hut like a little hurricane. 

"Ma! You're awake!"

Catlin ignored the pain and sat up to embrace Lea. "Are you okay?"

Lea nodded. "I'm fine. But Ma, who was the man? And where is he now? He said he was my father – is that true?"

Conor looked at Catlin. What would she tell Lea? Catlin hesitated a few seconds, then she said: "No Lea. This man wasn't your father. It's true he fathered you but he's not your father. I know it's difficult to understand. Your father is the man who loves you more than his life and who will you protect from everything and takes care of you until you're grown up and even longer."

"Then Gawen, Aunt Una's husband is my father. Or Uncle Conor, or Uncle Fergus of Uncle Tully – no he is too young, he's even more childish than me..." Lea laughed.

"Well yes, I think you're right. It's Gawen who could be called your father." Catlin said and swallowed hard. "And for that reason I'll take you and Aruna back to Karneol."

"What?!" Lea shouted. "Ma... does that mean you don't want me?"

Catlin starred at her daughter, totally aghast, then embraced her fiercely again. "No, oh no! Please don't think that! I want you near me more than anybody or anything else! But you can't stay here with me, it's not good for you! Not until we have defeated the Romans and Eire is free again; it's only then that I can give you the attention you deserve, my love!"

*~*

The travelling back three days later wasn't very merry. Conor, Fergus and Tully accompanied them again but nobody felt like talking much. The weather seemed to accord to their mood; it was cool and misty all day long, the sun was hiding behind grey clouds. In the evening they built up a little camp and had their supper, talking only when it was necessary.

"Fergus tell me a story, please!" Lea asked when the had finished their meal, trying to break the silence.

"Er... let me think of one lass..."

"I would like to tell you story Lea" Catlin said suddenly. "I heard it when I was a sl-... a little girl."

"Really? Great!"

Catlin looked at her friends. Fergus nodded affirmative. Lea leaned on her mother and Catlin began to speak. 

"A long, long time ago, in a land far away there lived a very wise king. All the men and women of his people asked him for advise when they had a problem. One day two women with a child came to the king. Both said they were the baby's mother and wouldn't give away the child. The king considered some minutes then he said: 'You both say the child is yours. So I take this sword and divide the baby in two parts and each of you gets one half.' The swindler agreed but the real mother burst into tears: 'No! Don't do that!' she screamed, 'I will rather give away my child than to see it die!' So the king knew who the real mother was and she got her baby back while the swindler was brought to prison. That's the end."

There was an embarassed silence. The three men were looking at Catlin and Lea. Finally Conor cleared his throat and said "Well I think we should go to sleep now."

So they did – everybody was grateful not to have to say something. 

*~*

The next afternoon they reached Karneol.

"I guess you'll be staying for the night?" Aruna asked.

Sudden fear flashed through Catlin – no, she wouldn't be able to stand this much longer! She looked at Conor, searching for help and he understood.

"No, I regret." He said. "I think we should head home soon. Thanks for the invitation."

"I have to thank you for all you did for us!" Aruna answered. 

They stepped out of the hut.

"Time to say goodbye!" Fergus said and hugged first Aruna and then Lea. 

"Don't forget the magic is in you!" Tully said when he held Lea in his arms. 

"Good luck you two, no, three!" was Conor's comment. 

Then Catlin stepped forward and hugged Aruna. "Good luck to you and the baby. Thanks for everything you did and are doing. And please take care of my... of our princess."

"I promise I will!"

Then Catlin knelt down and embraced Lea, stroking her hair and face. "My darling... I love you more than words can tell... Never doubt this! I know you are strong and brave so don't cry."

Lea nodded and sniffed. "Will you visit me?"

"I promise I will. And I'll be thinking of you everyday. And when you are older I'll teach all I know!"

"Okay. Ma I love you, too"

Catlin held Lea tight some more time, caressing her back, burying her face in her daughter's hair. Then she inched back slowly. Two pairs of deep blue eyes stared into each other. Catlin stood up and kissed Lea on the forehead. "Goodbye my darling..." she whispered and stood up. 

The four friends mounted their horses and with a last "Goodbye" rode off. Catlin didn't look back to see Lea waving, afraid that she would turn back at an instant and wouldn't be able to leave ever again. Tears were shining in her eyes but she gulped them back. She hadn't allowed herself to cry since Rowan had kidnapped Lea and she wouldn't now either!

She forced her horse until she was galloping through the forest with her friends in close pursuit. Finally Catlin stopped her mare, jumped off and stormed through the undergrowth. She had to run; run away, only away! Away from her friends, her feelings, from everything. She felt knots and twigs hitting her face and ripping her clothes and skin but she didn't care. She ran until she fell over a root. There she lay and finally started sobbing.

"Hey lass what are you doing?" Fergus shouted in the direction where their friend had disappeared.

"Let her. She needs some time, I think." Conor only said and dismounted his horse. 

"What shall we do now?" Tully asked. 

"Built up a fire." Conor ordered. "I'll go and get Cat." With that he ran off too.

Conor understood Catlin's reaction – more or less. She had given up her own daughter, wanting the best for her and ignoring her own wishes and feelings.

He found Catlin kneeling at the base of a large tree, leaning on the tree trunk and sobbing uncontrollably. Tears were streaming down her face. Conor sat down beside her and embraced her gently. 

"Shh... Hush Cat" he whispered stroking her hair. Catlin clutched his leather tunic and cried against his chest. He was so warm and gentle! He still held her, caressing her back. 

"Hush Cat. It's okay." Conor gulped hard. It felt so right to hold her! This wonderful creature that looked so tough, yet so vulnerable at this very moment!

"Nothing is okay!" Catlin sobbed. "I lost my daughter! The only child I'll every have! She isn't mine anymore – she never was!"

"No, Cat!" Conor contradicted. "Your daughter loves you! She'll always be yours because she's in your heart. And you are still young. I'm sure you'll find love and get a lot of babies!"

"Who would love an abused slave-girl like me?"

Conor gulped hard. The next words were difficult to form for him. "I... I would."

Catlin stopped sobbing and raised her head slowly to face him. "You would?" she whispered.

"Aye. In fact I already do!"

Catlin looked into Conor's eyes, those deep brown pools she loved to drown in. She had expected to see pity but she didn't.

All she saw was love.

Their faces slowly inched forward to each other and then met shyly for the fist gentle kiss.

THE END

*~*~*

So that's it. I hope you liked it. It was my first attempt in Roar fiction. Please either review or sent me an e-mail to [Bright.Phoenix@gmx.de][1] to let me know what you think of it.

Sheela

   [1]: mailto:Bright.Phoenix@gmx.de



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